Every horror movie has the slow guy — the one who falls behind everyone else… and you know what happens to him, right?

Zombie chow!

Out here in the real world, it’s pretty much the same deal (minus the zombies) — because it turns out the slowest walkers have the highest risk of death.

Australian researchers checked the walking speeds of 1,705 senior men and then tracked them for up to 21 years. They found that those who walked at 1.8 miles per hour or less were far more likely to die in that time that those who walked more quickly.

Those who topped 2 miles per hour, on the other hand, were 1.23 times less likely to die than the slowpokes — while those who kept up a brisk 3-mph-pace had the lowest risk of death overall.

That’s in line with a study last year that found that seniors who can walk at 2.2 mph outlive those who only go 1.3 mph or less — with the benefits increasing along with the walking speed. (Read about that study here.)

In that study, researchers found that those who walk the fastest can live between 8 and 10 years longer than those who walk the slowest — which gives you plenty of extra time for walking or whatever else you want to do.

Of course, there’s more than just walking speed on the line here. People who walk slower tend to have other physical problems that can boost the odds of an early death.

Slow walking can be a sign of muscle weakness, which could lead to a fall and a devastating or even deadly bone break. It could also signify a neurological problem, including Parkinson’s disease.

Circulation problems, pain, arthritis — all of these conditions and more can also slow you down, diminish your quality of life, and maybe even allow the Grim Reaper to gain another step or two on you.

And that’s someone you don’t watch catching up.

Pfizer is getting ready to take a multibillion-dollar loss this fall when it loses patent protection on the best-selling drug of all time. But don’t expect them to sit back and watch Lipitor’s $11 billion a year in sales go down the drain. The Wall Street Journal says the company is hatching a plan to have its cholesterol-lowering drug sold over the counter.

And if they get their way, you can bet it won’t just be sold in pharmacies anymore. I’m thinking 7-11, McDonald’s, and Dunkin Donuts, for starters, where Lipitor can be billed as the antidote to cholesterol-laden convenience foods.

That’s not nearly as far-fetched as it sounds. Some researchers have already proposed doing exactly that. (Read about it here.)

But if there’s anything as bad for you as a fast food meal on your plate, it’s a statin in your body. I don’t care what you’ve been told. These drugs are bad news.

Along with the notorious risk of muscle weakness and debilitating pain, statins have also been linked to kidney failure, liver damage, cataracts, joint and tendon problems, sexual issues, and even an increased risk of diabetes.

That’s right… a drug that’s supposed to keep a supposed risk factor for diabetes in check — cholesterol — can actually help bring the disease on.

Here’s a better plan: Skip the fast food and skip the statins. Basic lifestyle changes can do a much better job of keeping cholesterol levels under control anyway.

The one bit of good news here is that Big Pharma is 0-for-2 when it comes to getting statins approved for over-the-counter sales. Merck’s plan for OTC Mevacor was rejected by the feds at least three times, along with Bristol-Myers Squibb’s bid for nonprescription Pravachol.

Normally, I spend a lot of time ripping FDA decisions — and, let’s face it, there’s a lot to rip. But in this case, the agency has managed to get it right — and they’ve already put Pfizer on notice that the bar for over-the-counter Lipitor has been set pretty high.

“They would have to provide data to show that consumers understand the treatment and recognize that cholesterol-monitoring is required,” FDA spokeswoman Shelly Burgess told Bloomberg News.

That’s not going to be easy, because Burgess quickly added that previous studies have shown that patients don’t get it.

“Most study participants made mistakes and chose to take the proposed over-the-counter statin when they should not have done that,” she was quoted as saying.

On the other hand, statins such as Zocor are already available over the counter in the U.K. — so maybe it’s only a matter of time before the FDA follows suit.

Ounce for ounce, there are few things in your home as bad for your body as soda.

And new research is starting to show it’s even worse than we thought.

Soda has already been linked to a host of health problems, from obesity and diabetes to tooth decay and osteoporosis. And now, it’s also being blamed for a horrible condition involving muscle weakness, cramps, palpitations and vomiting.

This condition is called hypokalemia, and it’s caused by a potassium deficiency.

Excess soda appears to cause blood potassium levels to fall to dangerously low levels, according to a study published in the International Journal of Clinical Practice.

Researchers looked at people who drank large amounts of soda – between two and nine liters per day – and discovered this connection. In at least two cases, soda-drinking patients who experienced hypokalemia were hospitalized when their potassium levels fell dangerously.

Potassium is one of our most overlooked nutrients. I’ve found that most people not only misunderstand its importance, but they don’t know how to get it in the proper amount.

That’s because the amount of potassium you need is also related to your sodium intake. Our potassium-to-sodium ratio should be 7-to-1, but for most of us that ratio is reversed as we eat salt-laden processed foods at the expense of this vital nutrient.

Soda can also throw potassium levels out of whack. And when those servings are big enough, you’ve got a recipe for hypokalemia.

But don’t think you’re in the clear just because you drink less soda. To me, even a teaspoon of this junk is way too much. So I’m absolutely horrified when I walk into a convenience store and see giant two-liter cups of sugary poison, meant for gulping down with an extra-wide straw.

Remember, one of the key ingredients in most sodas is phosphoric acid, which has been linked to bone and kidney problems. Not only that, but industrial grade phosphoric acid is used to remove rust – that alone should tell you everything you need to know about it.

I’ve tried, and I can’t think of a single good reason why anyone should ever drink soda – even diet soda. They’re not just empty calories, but empty calories that add up quicker than most people realize.

If you’re one of the millions of Americans who drink soda regularly, it’s time to make some changes – and it’s not as difficult as you might think. Even the most hardcore soda junkies are surprised at how quickly they lose the taste for it once they stop drinking it.

For my money, nothing beats clear, cold water – but I find that when I just have to have that fizz, carbonated water beats cola any day of the week.