Surgery is supposed to be the ultimate shortcut when it comes to weight loss: Let the doc put you under, and when you wake up you’re on your way to a brand-new body.

If only it were that simple.

Now, the FDA is finally starting to crack down on the companies that promote one of the most common weight-loss procedures, the adjustable Lap Band that squeezes the stomach so you can fit less in it.

When your stomach holds less, you eat less… and when you eat less, you lose weight.

For many people, that’s all they need to hear. If their insurance covers it, they’re on their way to a new life that’s a lot more difficult than any of them ever would have guessed.

That’s because while the billboards and TV ads promise quick and easy weight loss, they don’t really talk about risks. And they barely even mention that this is a major surgery with serious side effects, up to and including death.

In some cases, the Lap-Band needs to be adjusted. Some patients need two or more surgeries before it’s on right, and they face the risks of complications each time they go under the knife.

Once the band is in place, patients often experience difficulty swallowing, severe and miserable heartburn, and nausea.

Although the FDA’s recent warning was specifically directed at a series of clinics offering Lap-Band in Southern California, those warnings could have been directed at clinics across the country. Because no matter where you live, odds are you’ve seen signs and heard ads that conveniently leave out those very real risks.

And believe it or not, this is actually one of the “safer” forms of weight-loss surgery. Other procedures, such as gastric bypass, promise more dramatic results — but come with even more risks, including an even higher risk of death than the Lap-Band.

So forget surgery. You can do a better job on your own anyway — and as I told you a couple of weeks ago, it starts with just two days a week of an easy-to-follow low-carb diet. (Read about it here.)

Start with two days a week — but don’t end there. Turn that two-day lifestyle into an everyday habit, and you’ll lose weight the right way… and enjoy all the benefits of a thin, new you without the risks of surgery.

An aspirin a day won’t do much for your heart, but it can do plenty for your eyes — and not in a good way.

The latest research finds that the painkiller-a-day advice pushed by decades of TV commercials — not to mention docs across the country — could double your risk of battling the leading cause of blindness in seniors.

Dutch researchers looked at data on some 4,700 seniors across Europe and found that 4 percent of daily aspirin users suffered late-stage wet advanced macular degeneration, versus 2 percent of those who didn’t take the pills.

The researchers didn’t find a link to the dry form of the disease or the earlier stages of it — but I don’t think the 1.6 million American seniors losing their vision to AMD care much: If cutting down on aspirin is a way to avoid the worst of the worst, then be sure to cut down on the aspirin.

But that’s not the advice you’ll get from the mainstream. In fact, the researchers behind the study claim the risk of vision loss is perfectly fine next to the supposed benefits of daily aspirin.

“A healthy eye with full visual capacities is of no use in a dead body,” one of the researchers told Reuters.

Just one little problem here: The idea that aspirin saves lives is a lot of made-for-TV-commercials marketing hype — not a scientific reality.

One study I told you about last year looked at 3,350 men and women at high risk of heart disease who were given either a placebo or a daily aspirin, and found absolutely no difference in the rate of heart attacks, stroke, angina or even revascularization surgery.

Another study, a review of six other studies, found only a tiny reduction in heart attacks among patients taking aspirin for primary prevention — but a huge leap in the number of side effects such as serious internal bleeding issues.

If vision loss, internal bleeding and ulcers aren’t enough risk, one study even found that daily aspirin use could cause you to lose one of your other senses, too: Researchers say men between the ages of 45 and 50 who take daily aspirin have a higher risk of hearing loss.

Aspirin has also been linked to tiny “microbleeds” in the brain, tinnitus, allergic reactions, erection problems and more — but that doesn’t mean you can’t lower your risk of a heart attack with a single pill every day.

Just make sure that pill contains fish oil instead of painkillers.

Never take medical advice from Hollywood stars.

From the old “I’m not a doctor but I play one on TV” commercials to the “celebrity diet tips” you find in magazines at the supermarket checkout aisle, stars are just full of bad advice when it comes to your health.

One of the more recent trends in Hollywood’s boutique medicine industry involves colon cleansings — the idea that a very elaborate (and often expensive) chemically enhanced enema can somehow cure all sorts of health issues.

There’s just one problem with it: There’s no real research to back up colon cleansings — and there’s plenty of evidence that they could be dangerous and even deadly.

Researchers recently took on Hollywood by examining 20 studies on colon cleansing published over the last decade. They found no real evidence to back the common health claims, which range from the removal of “toxins” to improved skin, and even weight loss.

Let’s face it: If losing weight was that simple, enemas would be sold by the dozen on supermarket endcaps — and we’d all be Hollywood thin by now.

But a colon cleanse isn’t just a harmless gimmick to help us normal folk feel like the stars. There are real risks involved.

The procedures can cause an electrolyte imbalance so severe it can lead to hospitalization — not to mention severe life-altering side effects such as kidney failure.

In some rare cases, colon “detox” has even led to the worse side effect of all: death.

The patients who survive it still battle plenty of unpleasant, but less-threatening, side effects, including nausea, vomiting, and issues with bowel movements.

The risks are hardly a surprise when you consider that many of these procedures aren’t performed by doctors or even nurses. Despite the fact that colon detox centers look and feel like medical offices — right down to the white coats — the highest degree your “colon technician” may have is a high school diploma.

The truth you won’t hear from the Hollywood stars is that there’s no secret to colon cleansing. Your body does a pretty good job of it on its own, and I’m pretty sure I don’t need to explain how.

There are times when you may need a real colon cleanse — like before a procedure such as a colonoscopy — but let an experienced naturopathic doctor help you with those decisions.

Not a Hollywood celebrity or a poorly trained “technician.”

At some point in the next month, the feds are expected to approve a new drug to help treat macular degeneration, the leading cause of blindness in seniors.

And if the $2,000-a-pop price tag doesn’t cause your eyes to pop right out of your head, maybe this will: The drug, called Eylea, is injected directly into the eyeball.

YOUCH!

Sure, it’s done with some anesthesia — but there’s the potential for serious pain once it wears off, along with the possibility of increased pressure in the eyeball, and hemorrhaging in the white.

Might be a great look for Halloween… but probably not ideal for the other 364 days of the year.

The cost and side effects are right in line with the other major treatment for macular degeneration, a drug called Lucentis. The only difference is that Lucentis is injected monthly, while Eylea can be done every other month.

But what if you didn’t have to deal with the needles, side effects, cost or — more importantly — the macular degeneration itself?

It might be a lot easier than you think — and it starts with eating a little more seafood.

Dutch researchers examined data on 2,167 volunteers aged 55 or older and found that those with certain gene variations linked to macular degeneration were able to lower their risk by boosting their intake of omega-3 fatty acids and zinc.

One variation, CFH, can boost the risk of macular degeneration by 11 times — but the researchers found that some seniors were able to beat those odds by getting higher levels of the omega-3 fatty acids EPA and DHA as well as zinc, beta-carotene, and the carotenoids lutein and zeaxanthin.

Another gene variation, called LOC387715S, is known to increase the risk of macular degeneration by 15 times — but researchers say seniors who had higher levels of zinc, EPA and DHA were more likely to avoid the disease than those who had lower levels.

The best sources of EPA and DHA, of course, are the fatty fish that should be a steady part of your diet anyway. But zinc’s a little tougher to come by: Oysters are loaded with it, but a steady shellfish diet can get pricey.

Add a supplement instead — especially if you already know you may be predisposed to macular degeneration.

P.S. For more on the connection between fish oil and eye health, read “Fish is ‘see’ food.” And for a promising but yet-unproven treatment for macular degeneration, read “Flowers for your eyes.”